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Posts Tagged ‘weakness’

Eclipse

Photo credit: Havard

Photo credit: Havard

Seventeen years ago–half my life away–I wrote poetry in an effort to cope with the anguish in my soul. Today, my life is very, very different and I no longer write to survive. There have been times since then, though, that I desired to delve into poetry again. But I was afraid to go back there. The poems that I wrote were raw and full of angst. What would it be like to bare my soul again?

I have only written three or four poems since I was a hurting teenager, but it is something that I am ready to explore. I am eager to paint with vivid word pictures once again.

Here is one of my first attempts at free verse after a very long hiatus.

 


Eclipse

 

I was raised to be strong

Never give up

Never give in

Or cry

Strength was independence

Fierce, unyielding

A mask for the soul

 

We—the unbending—

Despised weakness

Where tears reveal pain

The open heart ready to surrender

It is easy to mock the uninitiated

 

Eclipse

Night and day momentarily combined

Strength made beautiful in frailty

Man of sorrows; King of kings

Damascus Light

Brings blindness—for a time—

 

In cocoon of darkness

The metamorphosis

Scales fall away to reveal

I am weak

But also strong—in Another—

 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~1 Corinthians 12:9-10

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I had been ignoring the situation for far too long and it was time to face the facts: the children were not doing their chores properly. Crevices under beds, dressers and bookshelves were crammed to spilling over. It was time to do a major cleaning.

I felt frustration welling up within me as we overturned toy boxes, pulled mounds of junk from beneath beds and unearthed all kinds of long lost treasures and unidentifiable objects. And yet, I knew it was not the fault of the children. Where did they learn to shirk cleaning jobs in the first place? Wasn’t I choosing to look the other way when they would run down the stairs declaring they had cleaned their rooms in only 3 and a half minutes?

“I just can’t do this,” I inwardly complained. “I just can’t keep a house clean.” As soon as the thought entered my mind though, I realized how ridiculous it was. Obviously I am physically capable of doing the job, and I’ll fly at it wildly once in a blue moon, so what exactly is the problem here?

I wrote a post once entitled What’s Wrong With Me? where I poked fun at my “disorder” – Organizationally Dysfunctional. It was probably beneficial, as I was facing my faults and coming clean, but even there I was saying, “There must be something wrong me. I can’t do this.”

The problem is perseverance and consistency, which I’ve always recognized, but I didn’t realize the why behind the problem until today: a lack of motivation, a vision and a plan. I persevere in homeschooling though it is often very difficult and exhausting. I persevere because I see how important it is. I have a vision that helps me to overcome the difficulties. I need a vision for housekeeping. I need to catch hold of the fact that a clean home saves time and energy. It brings serenity and peace and is a way that I can serve my family and God.

Over the years I have tried to rationalize the idea of paying someone to clean my home. “I’m creative,” I would think to myself. “I can come up with a way to make money so that I can pay someone else to do the housework.” But I realized today that It’s not the housework that is the problem, it’s my attitude. God wants me to overcome my weaknesses, in His strength and wisdom.

So I still need a plan, but I know I need to start by checking up on the kids and making sure they do a thorough job. It will only take me a few minutes every day and it will be teaching them the importance of doing a job well. And I could use a little accountability too, so I’ll check in with you in a week and let you know how it’s going. 🙂

~Rachel

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